If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Text me some of your sweat
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