SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
