does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
