that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
