that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
