Whod you bang
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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