hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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