I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
