so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
