I wannas sexs uuuuu
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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