Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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