Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
