Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
