My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
It's just like the Real World with babies
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
