Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
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My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
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And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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