I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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