yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
barbara walters just said penis...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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