Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
