My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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