you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
