My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
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Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
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I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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