dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
