there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
