Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
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