Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
