accomplished twins. life is a go
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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