that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
