Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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