Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
