U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
