I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
