so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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