I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
