he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you didnt know i had herpes?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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