Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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