Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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