I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
