I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
