Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
