I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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