They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Pants are for mortals
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
