afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
