matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
