What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
