so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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