The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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