The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize