I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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