Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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