I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
