My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
