My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
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