I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
