my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
