You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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