Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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