I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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