We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
