I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
