I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
