So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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