You made me cry and you don't even care
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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