Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
