My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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