I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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