Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
