I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
