I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
