I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
