the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
