If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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